An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Not quite the original:
Mary had a little lamb
it's fleece was black as soot
and into Mary's bread & Jam
his sooty foot he put.
Mary had a little lamb
it's wool was white I think.
She washed it with her underwear
and now it has turned pink.
Remember the old money?
Suzy had an iron cow
she milked it with a spanner.
The milk came out in shilling tins
the little ones a tanner.
To bring it up-to-date:
Helga has a robot cow,
she twiddles dials and meters.
Milk comes out in cartons now,
a euro for two litres.
Two cows in a field. One says to the other,
"What do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other replies,
"Crikey, a talking cow!"
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because it's too far to go round.
Q. Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
A. The outside.
Q. What do you call a chicken wearing a shell-suit?
A. An egg.
A recent EU directive states that is no longer legal to keep chickens in the back yard.
From now on they must be kept in the back metre.
Q. How many farmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Can't be done.
A. Well, first you have to find a farmer who can afford a spare lightbulb...
What is the difference between a letterbox and a bull's bottom?
I don't know
I'll find someone else to post this letter...
Q. Why are you stuffing that sheep into your computer?
A. All together now..Because it needs more RAM.
Q. What's big, red, and might kill you if it fell out of an apple tree as you walked underneath?
A. A combine harvester.
Q. What do you call someone who used to be really keen on tractors?
A. An extractor fan!
At election time a coachload of politicians leaves the road and crashes into a field. When the emergency services arrive the coach is empty and there's no sign of the passengers.
The farmer is there with his tractor so they asked what became of the politicians.
"I buried them." he said.
"They were all dead then?"
"Well, some of them said they were alive but you can't believe anything a politicians says can you?"
The shepherd took his cross-eyed dog to the vet.
The vet picked the dog up to examine him and said, "I'm going to have to put him down."
The shepherd said "It's not that bad is it?"
"No," said the vet, "he's just very heavy."
Q What's brown, sticky and found in the countryside?
A A stick.
Question and answer
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.